I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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