they need to just BURY HIM!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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