Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
someone owes me an orgasm
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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