We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
