is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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