Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
