Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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