Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
