i permit you to call me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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