i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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