dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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