he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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