my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
