Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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