The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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