We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
