maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
