I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
