My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Shame - the story of my life.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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