I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
