I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i will never coherently bang her
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
