I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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