I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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