he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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