I just pynch a tree in the face
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
