Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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