I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
