Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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