if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
