Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
