You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize