next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
