Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
