last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
