if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
