that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
