You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
