he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
this will be a night to untag.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
