I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
