whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
