He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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