Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
