nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
