oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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