u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
