I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
