yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
