Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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