I hate your face
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
