all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
