Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
