I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
