your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
