There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
