i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
