one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
