my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
