i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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