i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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