As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
