i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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