It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
