12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
