The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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