If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
