I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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