Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
