my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
