Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
