Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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