Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
