If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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