maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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