Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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